Wednesday, January 31, 2007

It's Nice to See that Fredo Corleone Found Work Again

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Things I've Lost

I was surfing through the channels today and I came across an elderly asian gentleman singing on CMT. It was a song called "The Last Ten Years." He goes through a list of things and people we have lost in the last ten years, and lists some events that have happened in the last twelve years. He also manages to work a Chris Rock joke in there somewhere. It really got me thinking about what I've lost over the last ten years.

Today, in fact, I lost something. I went through the carwash at Sheetz and the blow dryer took the My Morning Jacket sticker I got for Christmas right off. I didn't even want the blow dryer. I wanted the undercarriage wash but didn't get it. You've lost a customer, Sheetz.

When I was in high school I had a yellow Meat Puppets t-shirt. It was pretty ugly but I liked it, and somewhere along the line I lost it. Kind of like how we all lost Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash, and June Carter Cash. That reminds me, I got the shirt at Crandall Audio in Orem, and I managed to lose that too. I probably went there three times a week in high school to look for used CDs. I think it's a massage parlor now.

I lost a part of my soul the times I watched Howard the Duck, Rocky V, and any movie with Robin Williams. I was young and my soul wasn't completely formed when I saw Howard the Duck and Rocky V, which probably explains a lot. I later lost a part of my brain when I tried to scratch out the parts that remembered these movies with a screwdriver. My apologies to Eric D. Snider for stealing that last joke.

Monday, January 22, 2007

Co-Conspirator Unveiled

I guess this won’t be the real Kennedy “Conspiracy” until I start posting. Poor David has been carrying the water (and quite well, I’d say) while I’ve spent weeks trying to think of something to write about. I just can’t think of anything important to say.

Should I talk about why I think Nancy Pelosi and Hillary Clinton could double-handedly bankrupt the U.S. health care system, despite their considerable contributions through plastic surgery? Should I compile etiquette rules for communicating with strangers in enclosed public places like elevators, carpools, buses, subway cars, airplanes, etc.? I've spent hours in all of these places in recent months. Recently: after an elevator stops on the third consecutive floor, the man in the back says, “I guess we picked up the local today. Where can I catch the express?” Umm... I have to admit that I’ve said a lame thing or two to someone in an elevator, but nothing (I assure you) good came of it. I’ve concluded that most people enjoy the few moments of peace and quiet they get everyday while traveling to and from work.

There are times when verbal communication is necessary in public places. For example, “Excuse me; this is my Metro stop (and you’re blocking the door with your suitcase and oversized FBI sweatshirt).” Has living in DC hardened me? Maybe so. I do honk my horn at everything when I drive in the city now. I didn’t used to. But, don’t people need to know when they can't drive?

There should also be a list of rules about personal space and touching in public places. A few weeks ago, I was in a crowded Metro car on the way to work and the woman behind me was standing WAY too close. I know sometimes it’s too crowded to worry about personal space and bumping just can’t be avoided. This actually wasn’t one of those times. It was crowded, but not THAT crowded. In the end, I had only inches in front of me to move forward. Every time I moved forward (which finally consisted of flexing my stomach muscles and moving ever-so slightly so as not to touch the person in front of me but to get the heck away from the lady behind me), she moved closer to me. Where can people go to learn that they shouldn’t spoon random woman on the Metro? Maybe this blog should be about that. I’ll think about it.

I think I want this post to be about misused clichés like “carrying the water.” Why do we take phrases that we hear and use them to mean what we think they mean but not what they really mean? Chew on that. So, if David’s been carrying my water, does that mean I know I’m smarter and more powerful than he is or has he been following me around waiting for me to get thirsty?

Am I a bitter blogger? I hope not.

Next time, should we talk about Valentine’s Day presents and how to deseed a pomegranate? Let’s!

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

On Quoting Movies

Things you should get punched in the face for quoting:

  • Mike Meyers from So I Married an Axe Murderer. Incredibly I still hear people quoting characters from this movie. Guess what? I got a fever... and if you quote this movie the only prescription is more punching you in the face.
  • Sean Connery on SNL "Celebrity Jeopardy." This is hands down the least funny thing someone could ever quote. Not only should you be punched in the face for quoting this, you should have the modern day equivalent of the scarlet letter hung around your neck. Something that says "I think I'm funny but really I'm not." Something like a Subway sweatshirt. The first time I ever heard this was at a party and some dude was playing clips of it on his computer and thought he was the life of the party. I wish I had the guts at the time to punch him in the face.
Things you won't get punched in the face for quoting:

  • Caddy Shack
  • Fletch
  • The Big Lebowski
  • Waiting For Guffman
  • Raising Arizona
Note to future employers: I don't condone punching people in the face in the workplace. That's what happy hours are for.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

EconTalk podcast with Clint Bolick

A conservative defending judicial activism? Read (actually hear) all about it.

I listened to this podcast over a month ago so I don't remember all the details, but it was so good I plan on listening to it again. I'm posting it here so you'll know about it. I'll post some thoughts about it after I listen to it again.

If you don't know who Clint Bolick is here are a few bios: here's his Alliance For School Choice bio, and for good measure here's a bio of him at People For The American Way. Reading these biographies might help put this interview with him in some context.
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