Bowie Meets Crosby

Christmastime is my absolute most favorite time of the year. It's the only time of year Dave will listen to cheesy music like "All I Want for Christmas is You" by Mariah Carey. It's wonderful.

The first Christmas we were married, we listened to an Elvis Christmas CD non-stop the whole month of December and we usually sang along. Well, we lived in an apartment and I guess our neighbors could hear us singing through the bathroom vents because when I was getting ready for bed one night one of them yelled, "well, maybe everyday is like Christmas for them!!" Whoops! (This is probably only funny if you know "If Every Day Was Like Christmas" by Elvis Presley.)

This year we've been so busy with work and school we haven't even decorated. Since we're leaving for two weeks on Friday and Dave will be studying/taking finals up to the minute we leave for Tennessee, I've given up hope that it will happen. We're barely going to get cards out before Christmas. This is typical of the whirlwind year we've had and I'm excited to take some time to relax and enjoy the season.

I took off work today to get all my Christmas shopping done and I listened to Christmas music in the car while I was running around. I love Christmas music. When I was little I used to get out of bed at night and go downstairs to lay under the tree and listen to Christmas music. I think I even did that through high school. With all the hustle and bustle surrounding the holidays, I’m glad to at least have the music of the season to put me in a festive mood.

Dave and I wish all our friends and family throughout the world a very merry Christmas and a happy New Year! We’ve been so blessed this year and hope all of you have reason to rejoice and be thankful this holiday season.

And, we want you to enjoy our favorite Christmas song: “Little Drummer Boy” by David Bowie and Bing Crosby. So sweet! I don’t think it gets much better than this.

Another Short Finals Diversion -- Ghetto Supastar!



I heard something about warranties in there so it's actually not totally irrelevant.

...

Update: Islands in the Stream! I'm ramping up for my Christmas jaunt to Dollywood and this hit the spot.



You should probably watch this though...just to take the edge off.

Quotes from my law professors over the last few years:

Federal Income Tax/Wills and Trusts professor:

"I'll be hung over and probably still in my formal gown."
"The fact is the woman drinks at lunch."
"You can tell I've had no sleep and alcohol and drove."
"B- students tune out; this is how it used to be."
"I don't spend $52 a day, even with the cigarettes and cat food."
"If you still don't understand recapture, go for the B. Don't torture yourself."
“The way to get a C would be to write a D exam.”
“All the nuns I know have fabulous jewelry.”
“And to be honest I may smoke in your house and I have a cat.”

Remedies professor:

"Bleak House is an unfair slam on the system of equity."
"We don't like people dying on the sidewalk. It's unaesthetic."

Sales and Leases/Secured Transactions professor:

"They're trying to fool us but they can't. Especially because they also give us the answers."
"Right? Right? Say yes…so I can tell you that you're wrong." [This quote encapsulates so much of what law school is like, bless its heart.]

Land Use/Property professor:

"No, I don't think you can use Northern Va. as an example of anything."
"Now, does that reduce the viscosity? I don't know"
"A catfish is like the buzzard of the sea; they'll eat anything."
"Ladies, you could rule the world but you won't. Because you don't trust each other."
"Does Henry the Eighth sound like anybody's uncle you know, UNCLE SUGAR!!!" [His voice was rising until the end of this sentence when he was yelling.]
"Every April 15th I send a love letter to Uncle Sugar and if he doesn't get it he gets awful cranky."

Criminal Procedure professor:

“And if you’ve seen some of these police matrons, they’re big enough to be insistent.”
“How’s Dungeons and Dragons going today? You winning?” [During review session when a guy surfing the internet didn’t have his volume turned down.]

Milton Friedman on Greed



(HT: Don Boudreaux at Cafe Hayek)

Now get this Honky!

My father-in-law drove up this weekend to visit us and we had a great time. On Saturday morning we were talking about movies and he mentioned that one of his favorites was Peter Sellers' penultimate film Being There. We had never seen it so we rented and watched it Saturday night.

Being There is a rare film. There's not a single punchline, gag, or moment of zaniness anywhere (essentially it's a movie that Robin Williams wouldn't/couldn't touch with a ten foot pole) yet it's the funniest movie I've seen in quite a while. Indeed, the movie is so understated that until about twenty minutes into it, it could literally be a drama or a horror instead of a comedy. Explication, I think they call it. But a comedy it is and a fine one at that. This isn't a movie review so I'll just recommend it (and I can't recommend it highly enough).

Here's the trailer. I actually would recommend not watching it if you think you'll watch the movie. Part of the fun of watching it for me was that I didn't know anything about it going in.

The Office Season 4: Episode 6 (but, really,does it even matter anymore?)


Do you remember how on the Dukes of Hazzard Bo and Luke's cousins, Coy and Vance, showed up (also in Season 4 -- eerie), presumably to shake up the plot, or whatever? Well that's kind of how I feel about last night's episode with the costumes and the mustaches and the Finer Things Club and lack of anything that would actually happen anywhere but on the last season of a TV show.

It's time to put this dog down.

Sweet Fancy Moses!

Now Hear This!

Here's the first single (featuring Lou Reed. Lou Reed!) from The Killers' new album. What are the chances Brandon Flowers was raised on X96, KJQ, and KOHS (on cloudy days when the signal would make it all the way to Nephi)?




More Lou Reed tag team awesomeness, this time rocking out with Pavarotti:



And yet more...

I've grown tired of writing about the ways in which each week's episode of The Office was lame, so instead I'm going to list the Office characters who, like children at rich people's houses, should be seen and not heard.

1. Stanley. Rarely contributes anything to the show.
2. Meredith. Detracts from the show whenever she speaks. She should probably not even be seen.
3. Creed. This pains me somewhat because he's an interesting character and I used to like him. During Season 3 he just started to be a nasty person (stealing money, getting people fired, stealing Christmas presents from the kids. From the kids!)

So that we don't have four entirely negative posts in a row here, I'll note that I really like Toby and think he should have more lines. He wasn't in the third episode at all and he had only one line in the fourth. If I recall correctly, though, he didn't get the English grammar quite right: "whom" was the object of a preposition. (Professor Johnson, wherever you are and if you happen to be reading this blog, if I am wrong about this you can retroactively reduce my grade.)

I'm looking forward to when it's a half hour again.

I'd also like to point out that I'm also looking forward to a Cleveland/Colorado World Series. I'm hoping that Cleveland knocks the Red Sox out this weekend. I'm hearing a lot of people complaining that it will be the lowest rated WS in history, blah, blah, blah. Who cares? These are the same people who think ERA and RBIs are useful stats. These people and their opinions can be safely ignored.

I Think I've Pinpointed Why The Office Is No Longer Funny

The Office, Season 4, Episode 3

Everyone on the show acts like a complete unlikeable idiot doing things that no one in the real world does, except for Jim and Pam and frankly they're just not interesting anymore. And Toby. But I'm not even sure he's on the show anymore. My guess is that Paul Lieberstein recognized that this is a sinking ship and bailed.

Back to the point though. Whereas previously Michael Scott was oblivious to the rest of the world and was surrounded by normal people trying to deal with his insanity, through three episodes this season everyone is over the top and stupid. I can only assume that the writers thought, "Hey, if one person being a moron is good, ten people being morons is great." False! Ten people being morons is The Bachelor or the second season of The Apprentice or the New York Knicks and no one wants to see that.

Update: I know I said earlier that it might be a good idea to give Andy a love interest...I think I was wrong. Yeah, I was wrong.

The Office, Season 4, Episode 2

I don't even know where to begin with this episode. More drama, more outrageousness, less subtlety. What is wrong with B.J. Novak's character? I know he's supposed to be mean but isn't there a way to make him mean and likable and funny? And where is Ed Helms? It's been two episodes and he hasn't kicked anything yet. I'm also starting to wish that they had fired Creed instead of Devin in the Season 2 Halloween episode.

What happened to the subtle humor? I'm beginning to feel like I'm in an actual office with people I don't want to be around doing things I don't want to do and not getting paid for it.

The highlight of the show was when Jim and Pam went to Toby to see what they had to do about registering their relationship with HR and Toby told them wait and see how it goes before doing anything official.

Overall, it was funnier than the first episode, but I'm still not impressed. Maybe when the episodes go back to a half hour they'll trim it down and leave only the good stuff.

RFK What Good Do You Think You Do?



Last Sunday was the last baseball gave ever to be played at RFK Stadium in Washington D.C. It was a fun three year run for the Nats but RFK truly is a miserable venue for Major League Baseball. I have many great memories of warm summer nights enjoying baseball there and for that reason I will always have a soft spot in my heart for the old dinosaur, but this is not what God had in mind when he invented baseball. I've often thought, as I've roamed the endless concourses and ramps in search of a warm polish sausage, that RFK looked like a prison. Fitting, then, that the words of Johnny Cash's San Quentin come to mind:

....

San Quentin, I hate every inch of you.
You've cut me and have scarred me thru an' thru.
And I'll walk out a wiser weaker man;
Mister Congressman why can't you understand.

San Quentin, what good do you think you do?
Do you think I'll be different when you're through?
You bent my heart and mind and you warped my soul,
And your stone walls turn my blood a little cold.

San Quentin, may you rot and burn in hell.
May your walls fall and may I live to tell.
May all the world forget you ever stood.
And may all the world regret you did no good.

San Quentin, you've been livin' hell to me.

Yeah, that sounds about right.

Rest Assured I Was on the Internet Within Minutes Registering My Disgust Throughout the World

The Office, Season 4, Episode 1: worst episode ever.

My Office watching days might be over. I can't exactly put my finger on what was wrong with it other than it just wasn't funny. There was literally more drama than comedy. I felt like I was watching something from the WB. I saw the Pam Anderson joke coming about two years ago; I'm surprised it took them this long to getting around to making it. They are really underusing Ed Helms since he got back from anger management training. They really need angry Andy back kissing butt and punching holes in stuff. Maybe a love interest too, Meredith maybe? Also, way to blow the whole Jim/Pam sexual tension storyline writers. Good luck getting that magic back.

For some excellent reviews follow this link.

Why the Meat Puppets are Still Relevant

Well, maybe not. But it was interesting to see how fat Curt Kirkwood has gotten.

R.I.P. Ted Stepien

Imagine that when you die the The New York Times runs your obituary. Now imagine in the first sentence of that obituary they trumpet your biggest public failing. Ladies and gentlemen I give you the obituary of former Cleveland Cavaliers owner Ted Stepien. First sentence:

Ted Stepien, the former owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers, whose propensity for trading away draft picks resulted in an N.B.A. rule change, died Monday at his home in Willoughby Hills. He was 82.

Ouch!

A Random Thought While Contemplating A World In Which Barry Bonds Is The Career Home Run King

I've recently discovered Ken Jennings' blog and -- and this is no revelation -- the man is brilliant. I'm not talking about his trivia brilliance. I'm talking about his writing/comedic brilliance. For example, he begins a recent blog post thus:

True confession: when celebrity deaths come in threes, as with Ingmar Bergman, Bill Walsh, and Tom Snyder yesterday, I like to imagine the deceased shooting each other in a three-way standoff, like at the end of Reservoir Dogs.

I can only stand in awe of the mind that thought of that. I highly recommend adding his blog to your reader. Also, be sure not to miss his post "Five realizations about Utah after not living here for a year."

In other so-nerdy-they're-cool (and Mormon) news...Donny Osmond is really funny too.

UPDATE: NATS WIN! Sorry Barry. Man, this was a late one on the East Coast.

Deep Thoughts?

Today I saw a tiny little dead bird as I was walking down the street and I felt bad for the little thing. Later I saw a half eaten wing of fried chicken next to a trash can and I was struck by the fact that I felt nothing for that bird. What was the difference -- why did I feel nothing for the chicken? Is it because chicken is delicious?

Yet Another Post About Arcade Fire

...or is it "The" Arcade Fire? Not sure. Anyway, I'm listening to Funeral for about the twentieth time and I don't think I've really appreciated the whole album until this listen. I really thought some of the early songs on it were just filler -- there to justify an entire album and make way for the likes of "Crown of Love", "Wake Up", and "Rebellion". Was I ever mistaken. In my mind this is what makes a truly great album. With one exception that I can think of (the Shins' Chutes Too Narrow), if I really dig an album after the first listen, it's probably going to get old fast. On the other hand is an album like Funeral -- complex, strange, grating on the ears at times, but ultimately eminently listenable. I haven't gotten around to listening to Neon Bible even once -- it's been three years and Funeral hasn't fully grown on me yet.

NPR Hates Mothers!

Reading this post on the Feminist Mormon Housewives blog (I know, I know) got me thinking about the song "I Want to Be a Mother." I heard it a lot growing up -- my family owned the tape. You might remember it too. A young girl sings about how she wants to be a mother and have 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 little babies of her own when she grows up. I actually really like it -- the tune and the melody stick in my head whenever I think of it (no comment about the underlying message -- I'll leave that to the ladies at FMH and Carol B. Thomas). So I've had the song stuck in my head for the last day or so and I finally decided to google the lyrics and learn more about it. Well it turns out -- and I've been going crazy with excitement just thinking about this -- that NPR used it in a story last year just before Mother's Day. The title of the story? Annoying Mother's Day Music. Listen to it for yourself here. This is truly a gem.

A Short Finals Diversion -- Perfect Day by Lou Reed

This is a special version of Perfect Day that was done by/for the BBC.

Classic Political Moments IV

"We cannot wait for the final proof, the smoking gun, that could come in the form of a mushroom cloud."

Don't Mess With Arcade Fire

So it turns out that the singer for Arcade Fire is NOT Canadian, but rather from Texas. Not that I have anything against our goody-two shoes brother to the north - who's never had a girlfriend (I'm just saying). To celebrate the news here are a couple Arcade Fire videos that rock.

First, Wake Up with David Bowie




And, Rebellion (Lies)



I hear their new album is pretty awesome, so expect some stuff from that later.

Dick Cheney Shops at Wal-Mart

Someone please explain to me what Dick Cheney is doing here.

Nick Johnson Shops at Wal-Mart

I don't know that for sure, but he seems like the kind of guy you could count on to shop there. Ok, I came to the Kennedy Conspiracy (KC) tonight intending to profess my love for Wal-Mart. I was in Tennesee last weekend and was reminded how cool Wal-Mart is (and, I'm writing a paper about Wal-Mart for school). I'm not a huge fan of their clothes or the long lines, but I did want to give props to the big Mart for keeping inflation down and for improving overall economic productivity. No one seems to be picking on Target, but they pay their associates less than Wal-Mart does and provide fewer health benefits. I was planning to go on a rant about this cartoon I posted, but when noticed the quote David put under the KC heading, I changed my mind.

"NICK JOHNSON IS A MARVELOUS, EFFICIENT PLAYER, BUT HE'S AS EXCITING AS WATCHING GEORGE F. WILL WATCH BEN STEIN WATCH PAINT DRY. SO FORGET THAT." (Click on the quote for the source.)

This is the most hilarious thing I've ever heard. It's even funnier than David asking every Target employee he sees if they've seen the ‘Target Lady’ sketch (from SNL). He hasn't found one yet. Anyway, I couldn’t watch George Will watch Ben Stein do anything, not even an impression of Will Ferrell in the ‘Cowbell’ sketch (and that's saying something). But, I could watch Nick Johnson play baseball all day. As a matter of fact, I could just watch him do nothing all day long. Oh, wait. Isn’t that what he’s been doing the last two seasons?? Honestly though, if he was Mormon I’d move into his neighborhood so I could go to church with him. Wouldn’t you? Do you think he wears red knee-high socks over his church pants? Love him.

Things I Remember And Why

I don't know why I remember the things that I do. For example, why do I remember the day in first grade when I learned the difference between "then" and "than"? I don't know, but the fact is that I do remember it. I remember it like it was yesterday. My teacher, Mrs. Wright, asked a girl in our class to come to the front and stand next to her. I remember this very clearly. The girl's name was Heather. I remember one day a boy in our class who was a Jehovah's Witness brought in some piece of woodwork he made and he gave it to Heather. (That was a tangent only to illustrate further the level of detail of the useless things I remember.) So Heather, who was three feet five inches tall, stood next to Mrs. Wright, who was seven feet two inches tall. Mrs. Wright then explained that she was taller "than" Heather. Boom. It's been in my brain since that day in 1984. I remember going to a place later that day near the school where a bunch of people lived. There must have been eight or nine of us. There was an older, bigger gentleman we all called dad. Man, how do I keep all these things in my brain?

WNBA Madness

How would you respond to this question? What level of men's basketball team would compete equally with a WNBA team?

While watching the NCAA tournament this week we were discussing this very question among ourselves and couldn't reach an agreement. We decided to put our friends and family on the case. These are their (anonymous) responses:

I think I'd put a good WNBA team at about an okay NCAA division A men's basketball team. Not a Duke, but not a San Jose State either.

_________

That is a difficult difficult question to answer, but here's my best response. Of course, my response is contingent on you telling me who said what.

There's no way that WNBA players can compete with an NBA team, not even the worst team. They're also going to have difficulty competing with D-I NCAA men's teams (my guess would be that 30 out of the 64 teams who make the NCAA playoffs could beat a WNBA team 6 out of 10 times).

Most WNBA teams are too big and too fast for your average high school team, so this is my final answer. They can compete with JUCO teams with good success (app. .700-.800 winning percentage) and with lower-tiered D-I teams with less success (app. 300-.450 winning percentage). They can cream most high school teams (.950 winning percentage) and would perform horribly against the top 30 D-1 teams (.200 winning percentage). Zero percent chance of winning against an NBA team.

_________

I have no idea, but i am on your side!

_________

The middle of a mid-major college basketball conference, but that's still pretty good.

_________

A good high school team - - meaning a state champion-caliber team with a solid 6'8" center and a couple of college-worthy players - - would likely compete equally with a WNBA team. The next notch up would be junior colleges and division II schools and most of these would likely dominate in the WNBA. Beyond that, if the WNBA champions played in division I college, they may get a win or two against a Podunk State but would never make the NCAA tournament. If they did make it to the tournament, however, I would not pick them to win against any other team in the bracket ... except for possibly Duke.

_________

Priest's church ball. We used to play in our church gym all the time, and [name withheld...we're keeping this totally anonymous, DK.] came and played with us a bunch, she ended up being a first round draft pick in the WNBA, so I am guessing we all would have been able to be similar picks since there was no one there who couldn't defend her or score at will on her.

_________

High school, probably JV. I remember being on the practice squad against the UVSC womens team. Now they are not the NBA but we were just a bunch of gym rats. We dominated them from the start. I will give them credit, they know how to throw a mean elbow.

_________

Gaithersburg High School level! No elaboration needed -- the athletic ability of the women of the WNBA make them easy to guard and score on -- if a HS team had as much time to dedicate to practice, they would be equal if not better!!!

_________

Well, I don't really know. I think that men in the NBA are obviously stronger but I think that the women could give them a run for their money. There are a lot of talented female basketball players and can run and shoot just as good as men. I think the problem would be the physical strength of men vs. women. I do think that the WNBA could beat most men's college basketball teams. I hope this helps!!!

_________

I just now got this. I would think an NBA team???

_________

At best a high school Varsity team that is all white.

_________

You're asking me about sports? With my limited insight I would have to say college level.

_________

In terms of quality, a good WNBA team might make it through a couple of rounds of the NCAA tournament. Maybe even a final four for a couple of teams... If what I have said is not helpful to your cause just delete and ignore. : )

_________

A good High School boys team should be able to take a WNBA team. Although the women would have much better fundamentals and knowledge of the game, a high school boys team would be far too athletically superior, too quick, and too strong for a WNBA team. Not necessarily any boys team, but probably like a state champ.

_________

The WNBA is equal to Men's college level basketball, for many reasons. male b-ball players are faster, smarter, jump higher, have quicker and better ball control, additional talents........and so on. I also think that from there it goes down as well W-college with M-highschool. I think that it is awesome that women have their own league but men are just better ball players.

But what ever you said I am behind you 100%

So maybe that didn't help clear up the issue, but it was fun. Of course the correct answer is a high school junior varsity team.

QUILT CITY, USA

I would like to give a shout out to all the people I know who've ever lived in Paducah, Kentucky. Actually, my grandparents are the only people I know from P-town. But, since I've been there before (most memorably when I drove to (and from) Utah to Tennessee in one weekend to visit a boyfriend) and because I have now done a little research, I will give you some highlights.

Paducah is a city in McCracken (no joke) County, Kentucky at the confluence of the Tennessee and Ohio Rivers. The population was 26,307 at the 2000 census. On April 25, 1991, the American Quilter's Society located its Museum in downtown Paducah. Each spring, during the Dogwood season, quilt enthusiasts from all over the world flock to Paducah for the Society's annual event. The Quilt Show is one of city's largest events of the year and draws large revenue in tourism. Hotels for miles around the city fill up months in advance of the show.

During the American Civil War on September 6, 1861, forces under Union General Ulysses S. Grant captured Paducah, which gave the Union control of the mouth of the Tennessee River. Throughout most of the war, US Colonel Stephen G. Hicks was in charge of Paducah and massive Union supply depots and dock facilities for the gunboats and supply ships that supported Federal forces along the Ohio, Mississippi and Tennessee River systems.

On March 25, 1864, Confederate General Nathan Bedford Forrest (Forrest Gump's great, great...-grandfather) raided Paducah as part of his campaign Northward from Mississippi into Western Tennessee and Kentucky to re-supply the Confederate forces in the region with recruits, ammunition, medical supplies, horses and mules and to generally upset the Union domination of the regions south of the Ohio river. The raid was successful in terms of the re-supply effort and in intimidating the Union, but Forrest returned south.

Later, Forrest, having read in the newspapers that 140 fine horses had escaped the raid, sent Brigadier General Abraham Buford back to Paducah, to get the horses and to keep Union forces busy there while he attacked Fort Pillow.

On April 14, 1864 Buford's men found the horses hidden in a foundry as the newspapers reported. Buford rejoined Forrest with the spoils, leaving the Union in control of Paducah until the end of the War.

AND, in 1937, the Ohio River at Paducah rose above its 50-foot flood stage on January 21, cresting at 60.8 feet on February 2 and receding again to 50-feet on February 15. For nearly three weeks, 27,000 residents were forced to flee to stay with friends and relatives in higher ground in McCracken (it's seriously not a joke - I looked it up) County or in other counties.

I feel confident it should be in that book 1,000 Places to See Before You Die. "Grab your quilting frames, kids, we're off to Paducah!"

Source: www.wikipedia.org

FYI

If you're ever at the golf course and you're warming up, at the driving range, say, and someone working at the course comes over to tell you that you're up next and also mentions that "it's 90 degrees today," the correct response is NOT "Yeah it's a beautiful day." This should be especially clear when it's about 40 degrees and windy.

"After World War II, Mules Fell on Hard Times"

WARNING: Extreme Violence and Awesomeness



I was going to do an entire post about mules but then I found this video of Clint Eastwood from...some western he was in. In lieu of the mule post I'll leave you with a link to the Wikipedia article on mules (from whence the title of this post came).

I love me some Johnny Cash!

This has to be one of the most awesome things I've ever seen (not the picture, the link).

And, did you know that Rocky Top isn't the official University of Tennessee fight song? It's actually a song called Down the Field. Who knew? I bet Crystal did.

No, I think this is why BYU started blocking YouTube...

Happy Birthday!

I just wanted to wish a VERY happy birthday to all those folks (dead and alive) born on February 18th. Just to name a few: Molly Ringwald, John Travolta, George Kennedy, George "The Gipper" Gipp, John Warner (U.S. Senator from Virginia), Toni Morrison, John Hughes (Director of Breakfast Club and Ferris Bueller), Kevin Tapani, Matt Dillon, Andre Young (Dr. Dre), Enzo Ferrari (bless him), Charles M. Schwab (not to be confused with Charles R. Schwab), and Mary I Tudor (Bloody Mary). This for all of you (not just Rosie):



P.S. The first Iron Man Triathlon was held in Kona, Hawaii on this day in 1978. Please post any other events of interest you can find for February 18.

And, Happy Chinese New Year. 2007 is the year of the DingHai (pig). Oink!

How Did I Not Know About This?

I'm at a loss of words to describe this video, other than to say I'm now going to have to reevaluate the last fifteen years of my life. I'm still reeling from having discovered it. Let me get this straight -- New Order? On Baywatch? With Hasselhoff looking out longingly into the distance? Got it.



And now to restore some faith in New Order -- or not, depending where you come down on the issue of really short shorts on dudes -- here they're doing Temptation live (in what appears to be Orem High's "B" gym).

Classic Political Moments III

"I would remind you that extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice."

Great Moments in White Guy Sports History II

Did you hear University of Colorado head football coach Dan Hawkins freak completely the heck out? Listen to it here.

Dude, take it easy, it's Valentine's Day.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

This blog post is about love. I love that.

We love Martha Stewart (no, not because she’s a felon – and I love me some felons – or because she might be an undercover capitalist dictator). Somehow Martha knows it and does it all. She’s a chef, a baker, a crafter, a handywoman, a homemaker, a professional bed-maker, an author, an entrepreneur, and more. My hero. I think scary things might result if she was locked in a room with Hillary Clinton and Oprah, but I love her just the same.

I love to cook. I love the Food Network even more than Martha. I made Giada’s French Onion Soup the other night for dinner. I’m a fan. It’s easy to make (which I need) and original (which I love) and calls for fresh herbs (which I also love).

Back to Martha. She’s a no-nonsense gal. She focuses on the task at hand and will get a little testy if you try to distract her. She didn’t seem too thrilled when I saw her co-guesting with Borat on Leno a couple months ago. I love this video of her with Letterman. Maybe I just love Letterman. I have a thing for Davids.

That reminds me, did you see Oprah on Letterman? Historic.



NOTE: I'm not blogging at work. It's a snow day.

Everything's Funnier...
You know the old adage "everything is funnier when you're tired?" or is it "everything's funnier when you're lying down?" Anyway, I think the same thing is true for website names. Everything is funnier when you make it into a website.

When you're IMing a friend at work (which I don't recommend because it's wrong), putting the punch line of your story or the aggravation towards your boss into a website name is like icing on a cake: unnecessary, but sweet. For laughs, you might try: www.mybosshaschinhair.com or www.pullmyfinger.org (ok, that's not even funny as a website) or my personal favorite www.petewantstobeaprofessionalgolferormaybeasupermodel.com.

What about movie lines? Www.myheadsabouttoexplodemydogjustdiedwejustkilledbambi.com. Oops. I just broke a Kennedy Conspiracy rule. You know, the one that says you're not supposed to quote stupid movies. If anyone can tell me what movie that's from, though, I'll give them a gold star. What about his one: www.ididntbreakitiplaceditinthewoodsbecauseitsmadeoutofwood
andiwantedittobewithitsfamily.com? Ok, I don't think movie lines work and I'm getting myself trouble.

I am more interested in hearing what you think would be funnier if it was the name of a website. No profanity, please.

NOTE: Visit at your own risk.

Great Moments In White Guy Sports History

Classic Political Moments II -- Howard Dean X 3

I recommend watching the first two in sync.

Here's the real Howard.




Here's a wannabe Howard.




Here's a cartoon Howard.

Are Pets Replacing Children?

I’ve never really liked animals. I think unicorns were my favorite animal as a kid. This was my first clue, but I didn't see it at the time. Think about it, unicorns aren't cute and cuddly animals that you have to touch or take care of. They don’t even exist. Oops. I hope this wasn’t a “there’s no Santa Claus” moment for anyone.

When I was younger my family had a dog, Daisy, and although I probably wasn’t the best at taking care of her, I loved her. I was very sad when she died my senior year of high school. One of our dogs after Daisy chewed my retainer and my teeth got crooked. I had to get braces again when I was 27. Another dog chewed through my bedroom door and trashed my room (more than once). I’m just not a huge fan of that kind of behavior.

Sometimes I think I want a mini dog, one that will sleep curled up under my armpit at night and keep me warm. I’m allergic to dogs, though, and I’m not too keen on picking up miniature poopies and letting a dog pee in my house. And, the hair. The hair.

This brings me to the point of this post: more and more people are obsessed with their pets and they’re adopting pets instead of having children or getting married. A lot of my friends (some of them read my blog) have pets that they treat just like human members of their families. They buy clothes and SHOES and let them sleep in their beds. Didn’t pet obsessions used to be just a crazy old lady thing? Is this a widespread phenomenon or do I just have weird friends? I feel like the odd ball here. I just don’t understand pet obsession. Does the companionship outweigh the annoyance?

I found this on YouTube. Is this normal? Am I heartless? Am I the strange breed? Someone help me out here.

Classic Political Moments

"Mr. Gorbachev, open this gate. Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall."




"Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy."

GRAMMAR POLICE
I'd Pay Extra Taxes for Them

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about words and grammar. First of all, why do Americans, speaking the same language, use different words and pronunciations in different parts of the country? When I moved to Tennessee in high school, I was amazed to discover that my friends there used such different words than my friends in Maryland. For one, people in Tennessee call grocery carts “buggies.” I’ve somehow adopted this word and I can’t shake it. They ask if you’re feeling “puny” instead of sick and “do what?” instead of “what did you say?” So, is it pronounced Colo-rod-o or Colo-rad-o? Is it que-pon or coupe-on? Is it Pirates of the Ca-RIBB-ean or Cari-BBE-an?

And, what’s up with grammar these days? I don’t know every grammar rule and I’m sure I’ve messed something up in this post, but I try to care about it. I think most people just don’t care and I’ve discovered recently that a lot people make it up as they go along. My pet peeves: comma splicing and semi-colon mislaying. I could tell you some funny stories, but I want to keep my friends.

I like the YouTube theme we’ve got going on in da house. I now know I’ve joined the “March of the Nerds” and I need to stop bullying people. It’s a whole new world for me. What else am I doing wrong?

Everyday Is Like Sunday

For being one of the great songs of the past 25 years Morrissey's "Everyday is like Sunday" sure has a lame video to go along with it.





Fortunately, though, it looks like Morrissey has learned his lesson and is sticking with live concert footage for videos. Here's the Smith's "There is a light that never goes out" -- the best song of the last 25 years.





For more Smiths/Morrissey videos follow this link.

SNOW DAYS

THE SNOWY DAY by Ezra Jack Keats is one of my favorite books. Anyway, I used to look forward to snow days. The single digit temps were no sweat. I remember setting my alarm an hour or two earlier on snow days to get up and check the school closings. We'd sled outside for hours and play until our fingers hurt. When we got home we'd fill buckets with hot water and soak our hands and feet. I heard in a first aid class recently that you're not supposed to do that. Oh, well. I still have my fingers. Or, am I typing with my toes?

I slipped on the ice in front of a bus in high school. I guess it's all down hill after elementary school. And, I don’t think it would go over too well with my boss if I soaked my feet in hot water at work. There are other things to worry about too, like the guy behind you. Rule #1: Don’t get out of your car in the snow.

It's Nice to See that Fredo Corleone Found Work Again

Things I've Lost

I was surfing through the channels today and I came across an elderly asian gentleman singing on CMT. It was a song called "The Last Ten Years." He goes through a list of things and people we have lost in the last ten years, and lists some events that have happened in the last twelve years. He also manages to work a Chris Rock joke in there somewhere. It really got me thinking about what I've lost over the last ten years.



Today, in fact, I lost something. I went through the carwash at Sheetz and the blow dryer took the My Morning Jacket sticker I got for Christmas right off. I didn't even want the blow dryer. I wanted the undercarriage wash but didn't get it. You've lost a customer, Sheetz.

When I was in high school I had a yellow Meat Puppets t-shirt. It was pretty ugly but I liked it, and somewhere along the line I lost it. Kind of like how we all lost Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash, and June Carter Cash. That reminds me, I got the shirt at Crandall Audio in Orem, and I managed to lose that too. I probably went there three times a week in high school to look for used CDs. I think it's a massage parlor now.

I lost a part of my soul the times I watched Howard the Duck, Rocky V, and any movie with Robin Williams. I was young and my soul wasn't completely formed when I saw Howard the Duck and Rocky V, which probably explains a lot. I later lost a part of my brain when I tried to scratch out the parts that remembered these movies with a screwdriver. My apologies to Eric D. Snider for stealing that last joke.

Co-Conspirator Unveiled

I guess this won’t be the real Kennedy “Conspiracy” until I start posting. Poor David has been carrying the water (and quite well, I’d say) while I’ve spent weeks trying to think of something to write about. I just can’t think of anything important to say.

Should I talk about why I think Nancy Pelosi and Hillary Clinton could double-handedly bankrupt the U.S. health care system, despite their considerable contributions through plastic surgery? Should I compile etiquette rules for communicating with strangers in enclosed public places like elevators, carpools, buses, subway cars, airplanes, etc.? I've spent hours in all of these places in recent months. Recently: after an elevator stops on the third consecutive floor, the man in the back says, “I guess we picked up the local today. Where can I catch the express?” Umm... I have to admit that I’ve said a lame thing or two to someone in an elevator, but nothing (I assure you) good came of it. I’ve concluded that most people enjoy the few moments of peace and quiet they get everyday while traveling to and from work.

There are times when verbal communication is necessary in public places. For example, “Excuse me; this is my Metro stop (and you’re blocking the door with your suitcase and oversized FBI sweatshirt).” Has living in DC hardened me? Maybe so. I do honk my horn at everything when I drive in the city now. I didn’t used to. But, don’t people need to know when they can't drive?

There should also be a list of rules about personal space and touching in public places. A few weeks ago, I was in a crowded Metro car on the way to work and the woman behind me was standing WAY too close. I know sometimes it’s too crowded to worry about personal space and bumping just can’t be avoided. This actually wasn’t one of those times. It was crowded, but not THAT crowded. In the end, I had only inches in front of me to move forward. Every time I moved forward (which finally consisted of flexing my stomach muscles and moving ever-so slightly so as not to touch the person in front of me but to get the heck away from the lady behind me), she moved closer to me. Where can people go to learn that they shouldn’t spoon random woman on the Metro? Maybe this blog should be about that. I’ll think about it.

I think I want this post to be about misused clichés like “carrying the water.” Why do we take phrases that we hear and use them to mean what we think they mean but not what they really mean? Chew on that. So, if David’s been carrying my water, does that mean I know I’m smarter and more powerful than he is or has he been following me around waiting for me to get thirsty?

Am I a bitter blogger? I hope not.

Next time, should we talk about Valentine’s Day presents and how to deseed a pomegranate? Let’s!

On Quoting Movies

Things you should get punched in the face for quoting:

• Mike Meyers from So I Married an Axe Murderer. Incredibly I still hear people quoting characters from this movie. Guess what? I got a fever... and if you quote this movie the only prescription is more punching you in the face.
• Sean Connery on SNL "Celebrity Jeopardy." This is hands down the least funny thing someone could ever quote. Not only should you be punched in the face for quoting this, you should have the modern day equivalent of the scarlet letter hung around your neck. Something that says "I think I'm funny but really I'm not." Something like a Subway sweatshirt. The first time I ever heard this was at a party and some dude was playing clips of it on his computer and thought he was the life of the party. I wish I had the guts at the time to punch him in the face.

Things you won't get punched in the face for quoting:

• Caddy Shack
• Fletch
  
• The Big Lebowski
• Waiting For Guffman
• Raising Arizona

Note to future employers: I don't condone punching people in the face in the workplace. That's what happy hours are for.

EconTalk podcast with Clint Bolick

A conservative defending judicial activism? Read (actually hear) all about it.

I listened to this podcast over a month ago so I don't remember all the details, but it was so good I plan on listening to it again. I'm posting it here so you'll know about it. I'll post some thoughts about it after I listen to it again.

If you don't know who Clint Bolick is here are a few bios: here's his Alliance For School Choice bio, and for good measure here's a bio of him at People For The American Way. Reading these biographies might help put this interview with him in some context.